Got rid of the chemo port - yippy!

Yesterday I got my chemo port out of my arm!  Thank God!  Now that summer is almost here it is harder to hide so I am super glad it is gone.  I guess it didn't really hurt much or anything.  It was just bulky and bumping it would make it hurt.  Most of all it was ugly and a huge reminder of cancer and chemo.  So glad it's gone!

The procedure was not bad.  It was odd for me this time as I was unbelievably calm.  For every other procedure I have had, I have been completely a bundle of nerves and on the verge of tears.  For this one, I was super calm.  No tears.  As they wheeled me away from my dear husband I did not cry.  I said "love you - get some lunch and I will see you soon".  I then put my IPod on and rolled with it. 

I guess after all I have been through in the past six months, getting a chemo port out was nothing.  It was odd to be awake during this and be completely aware of everything.  I am not sure I like that so much...I would prefer to be sleeping but they don't want to sedate you if they don't have to.  The doctor wanted to start the procedure and the nurse said "I have not sedated her yet"!  Good lord once she pulled the needle out of my IV he wanted to start right away and the meds had not even taken effect. I had to ask him to stop.  I said "look, I don't feel the meds yet and I am starting to get really anxious so can you wait a minute"!  That's nuts....dude, just wait a minute - would it kill you to wait a minute?  This time I did feel them numb up my arm.  In fact, the shot of lidocane did hurt a bit and burned a lot.  I did not feel that when they put my port in. 

Overall it went quick and I did well.  My arm is starting to bruise.  It is sore right now and the incision is red.  Last time my arm had a huge, softball sized bruise when I got the port in.  I hope this time there is less bruising.

I am really tired today.  I did workout but it was really hard for me to get through it.  I still have what I call "chemo legs".  It feels like I ran a marathon when I did not. My legs are burning a lot.  Going up the stairs at night is a chore and I have to stop half way up the stairs to rest.  This seems to be common during and after chemo.  It is much worse now than it was during chemo. 

I got my prescription for tamoxifen today.  That is my follow up treatment to block any estrogen in my body.  Gosh I hope it works!  My blood counts are good except I am still anemic.  I keep taking Iron supplements and hope they work soon.  Maybe that is contributing to my leg fatigue...who knows. 

I go back to work next week.  I am nervous about that.  I don't know how to function in the real world.  I feel so distracted by my cancer bullshit.  I don't know how to stay focused on things.  It will be a long week for sure.  I am glad I have Monday off so it's only a four day work week. 

I am not going to think about work for now.  This weekend I am celebrating being done with chemo with my husband and son in Chicago.  A weekend of fun for just the three of us.  I can't wait to be on a break from BC and spend good, quality time with my boys!

Chemo port is in

Today I had to go to the hospital to get my chemo port placed.  As usual, I had major anxiety over having another procedure done and yet another nasty scar on my body.  I feel like I look like a road map without my clothes on.  I now have 4 scars.  Nice.  I hope one day they will fade.

I got to the hospital at 9am.  My brother took me today as my husband had to travel for work this morning and will be gone until the end of the week.  So once they took me back to the pre-op area in the Heart and Vascular Center, we waited and waited.  They informed me shortly after being there that I would be awake for the procedure.  I was good all morning and did not cry until that moment when the resident told me.  I just wanted this over with and certainly did not want to "experience" it and remember it.  They were going to use "twilight sedation" on me meaning that I would be awake but pain free and perhaps not remember anything.  I just lost it....the tears started falling.  My poor brother did not know what to do.  At that moment I just wanted my husband to be with me.....it sucked.

They finally took me in for the procedure around 11:30am.  Way to go making me wait for over 2 hours agonizing over the misinformation I was given about sedation.  The nurses were all very nice and understanding given my situation and really took good care of me.  The doctor only came in once I was sedated...never really spoke to me, just got to work.  An interventional radiologist did the procedure.  The only nice perk of being awake in not in the OR area was they allowed me to bring my IPOD and use it during the entire procedure.  I put on my calming, peaceful music and closed my eyes to just not be "present" for the experience.

I was not really in any pain.  I just felt poking and some pricks here and there.  I do remember mostly everything, but I was calm and relaxed.  I am glad it is over with.  They placed the port in my right am as my plastic surgeon did not want the port placed in my chest.  The port is on the inside of my upper arm about mid-bicep.  It looks like there is a small grape under my skin.  You can't see the port at all, it is completely under my skin.  The lump of the port is bruised right now.  Hopefully that will fade quickly. I finally got home from the hospital around 3pm.  By the time I got home I was feeling queasy so I had some toast, took some zofran and laid down for a while.  I felt better within 45 minutes or so. 

My arm is quite tender especially when I move it around.  It's not sharp pain or anything, just enough to be a little uncomfortable.  I took some tylenol for the pain and that seems to be helping a little.  I hope I can sleep tonight without it being painful.  It seems like everything always hurts worse at night. 

I had to skip my rehabilitation exercises tonight as my arm is just uncomfortable.  I hope tomorrow I can go for my morning walk and do my exercises and stretches to get moving again.  I don't want any setbacks.

I am glad this is over now as it was causing me anxiety.  Now I can just focus on the next step (and the next source of anxiety), chemo.  Six more days until the poison flows through my body.  Ugh!  I am dreading it completely.