Quote:

"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

5 Years

This week marks five years since my breast cancer diagnosis.  I can still run through the exact events that happened the day of my diagnosis.  I can still see the doctor coming in the room, looking down at the ground because she could not look me in the eyes.  I can still remember the thoughts that ran through my mind when she told me.  I remember asking myself "have I lived a life I am proud of?" and "how are we going to tell Jayden (my 4 year old son)?"  I remember my husband hugging me as we both cried.  Everything changed in that moment.  Nothing would ever be the same.

Five years later so much has happened.  Sometimes I still can't believe that I went through all I did but in other moments I feel like I relive it every day.  It's still surreal.  I don't think about having breast cancer every minute of every day like I did at the beginning, but it is a very real part of me in all I do.  I have finally gotten to a place where I "own it".  I no longer feel the shame I felt when I first got diagnosed.  I don't care if people know I had breast cancer.  It's part of who I am now. 

Breast cancer has changed my life in so many ways.  I still feel like it's effects evolve me a little more and more as time goes on.  I feel different about life, people and things going on around me.  I have a greater spiritual sense and connection to God.  My empathy and understanding for others is stronger in my heart.  I want the simple life.  I don't waste time on trivial things or superficial people.  I want to live each day like it's my last and find the joy, happiness, peace and possibilities that each day brings.

No one is ever prepared to hear the words "I am sorry there are cancer cells".  You can't even believe it is really happening when they say it to you, but some good can come out of it.  It took time for me to realize that my life could be better because of breast cancer.  I have changed in so many ways since getting cancer.  I like to think I have changed in ways that make me a better person.  I feel so much more authentic than my old self.  Life has a different meaning now. 

As I look forward to another year, I embrace all that 2016 can bring - both good and bad.  I know that I will move forward with strength and hope for a great future filled with all the joy I can find and create in my life.  I am grateful for the changes I see in myself and knowing I am a better person because of breast cancer. 

5 comments:

  1. Hi Mdg,

    I just bumped into your blog thru the breast cancer forums. Congrats on hitting the 5 year mark and happy new year. I live in the Northwest, was diagnosed in October Stage 2B, went thru lumpectomy right breast and will be starting first cycle of Taxol/Cytoxan tomorrow 1/6 for 4 cycles (9 weeks). I debated on the Penguin Cold Cap, but have decided against it, will be going the wig route.

    Thanks
    -Usha

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  2. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
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  4. WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kind of disease and the herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whats app him +2348110114739  you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me davidclara223@gmail.com 

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