"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Maybe God Is Helping Me Out

Over the past few years I have had plenty of time to think about breast cancer and wonder how come I got it.  I have learned that I will never really understand how or why I won the breast cancer lottery, so I have tried very hard to let those questions go from my mind.  Most of the time I do pretty good with this, but at other times I hear those questions in my head.  At some points it has challenged my faith in God. 

When I was diagnosed I kept thinking "why did God let this happen to me?"  I also wondered if I was a bad person or had done something horrible to deserve this (the guilt comes along with being raised Catholic I guess!).  Then I began to think that maybe God had nothing to do with me getting breast cancer.  Maybe it was going to happen no matter what and there wasn't anyone that could stop it - not even God.  I think of all of the babies born sick or young children getting bad illnesses and think that God would not just "let" that happen.  I have always had faith in God.  Why was breast cancer making me question my faith? 

One day I had a revelation.  I began to think that maybe I was looking at it all wrong, and that maybe God was there to help me out.  For whatever reason, I did find the lump in my breast even when the mammogram did not find it.  I did get diagnosed with breast cancer, but it was Stage 1 breast cancer.  While getting breast cancer at any stage is difficult, I realize how fortunate I am to have been diagnosed in an early stage.  I also began to think that being diagnosed with hormone receptor positive  and HER2 negative breast cancer was also a blessing since there are more treatments available for this type of breast cancer.  Again, maybe that is what God "could" do to help me out.

Over two and a half years being diagnosed, I have come to accept so many things in my life that I never thought I would have to deal with.  I am glad that I have come to accept that God was there for me and he is watching over me.  I am grateful for every day I have to spend with my family and those I love.  I am thankful for feeling so good.  For these things, I thank God and continue to have faith.