This week marks five years since my breast cancer diagnosis. I can still run through the exact events that happened the day of my diagnosis. I can still see the doctor coming in the room, looking down at the ground because she could not look me in the eyes. I can still remember the thoughts that ran through my mind when she told me. I remember asking myself "have I lived a life I am proud of?" and "how are we going to tell Jayden (my 4 year old son)?" I remember my husband hugging me as we both cried. Everything changed in that moment. Nothing would ever be the same.
Five years later so much has happened. Sometimes I still can't believe that I went through all I did but in other moments I feel like I relive it every day. It's still surreal. I don't think about having breast cancer every minute of every day like I did at the beginning, but it is a very real part of me in all I do. I have finally gotten to a place where I "own it". I no longer feel the shame I felt when I first got diagnosed. I don't care if people know I had breast cancer. It's part of who I am now.
Breast cancer has changed my life in so many ways. I still feel like it's effects evolve me a little more and more as time goes on. I feel different about life, people and things going on around me. I have a greater spiritual sense and connection to God. My empathy and understanding for others is stronger in my heart. I want the simple life. I don't waste time on trivial things or superficial people. I want to live each day like it's my last and find the joy, happiness, peace and possibilities that each day brings.
No one is ever prepared to hear the words "I am sorry there are cancer cells". You can't even believe it is really happening when they say it to you, but some good can come out of it. It took time for me to realize that my life could be better because of breast cancer. I have changed in so many ways since getting cancer. I like to think I have changed in ways that make me a better person. I feel so much more authentic than my old self. Life has a different meaning now.
As I look forward to another year, I embrace all that 2016 can bring - both good and bad. I know that I will move forward with strength and hope for a great future filled with all the joy I can find and create in my life. I am grateful for the changes I see in myself and knowing I am a better person because of breast cancer.
I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a neice, an aunt and a friend. I never thought I would hear the words "It's not good. There are cancer cells". December 8, 2010 changed my life forever. This is my scary, long, enlightening journey through breast cancer. I hope that my words help others facing a similar situation or those that love someone going through breast cancer. I don't know where the road in front of me leads, but I know that Breast Cancer won't define me.
"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
I just bumped into your blog thru the breast cancer forums. Congrats on hitting the 5 year mark and happy new year. I live in the Northwest, was diagnosed in October Stage 2B, went thru lumpectomy right breast and will be starting first cycle of Taxol/Cytoxan tomorrow 1/6 for 4 cycles (9 weeks). I debated on the Penguin Cold Cap, but have decided against it, will be going the wig route.
As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.ReplyDelete
My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on email@example.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my story
Lung cancer often goes unnoticed in its early stages. As the disease develops, a persistent cough develop and chronic cough worsen. include chest pain, shortness of breath, hoarseness, bloody fluid coughed up from the respiratory tract, and frequent bouts of bronchitis or pneumonia. Sometimes the first was bone pain, headaches, dizziness,I was so piss off and tired of my life until i read about Dr Itua herbal medicine on blogspot i really thought it was scam when i first contacted him so little time i think about it and bought the herbal medicine which i took for three weeks and i was totally cured his treatment is so unique,I never thought i will be able to be free from Lung Cancer.But not only this Lung Cancer This great man can cure,Dr Itua also told me he can cure such diseases like... COLORECTAL CANCER, BLADDER CANCER, PROSTATE CANCER, KIDNEY CANCER, LUNG CANCER, SKIN CANCER,Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,ReplyDelete
Dementia. UTERINE CANCER, LEUKEMIA,HIV/AIDS,OVARIAN CANCER,BLOOD CANCER,MEN/WOMAN INFERTILITY,BURKITT LYMPHOMA - NON-HODGKIN.BRONNCHIAL TUMORS, BRAIN TUMORS,BILE DUCT CANCER,BONE CANCER,VAGINAL CANCER,HERPES VIRUS,LOVE SPELL,HEPATITIS,HE'S A GREAT HERBAL DOCTOR.HERE HIS CONTACT EMAIL::: firstname.lastname@example.org/ email@example.com. WHATSAPP:::+2348149277967
WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kind of disease and the herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact firstname.lastname@example.org or whats app him +2348110114739 you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me email@example.comReplyDelete