Yesterday I had the oophorectomy surgery (ovary removal). It's funny but after all I have been through I was not even nervous at all. It seemed like no big deal. Normally surgery would freak me out but after having breast cancer and all that comes with it, other things don't seem like such a big deal.
My husband took me to surgery yesterday. The nursing staff was great and once they put medication in my IV I didn't remember a thing. I didn't even remember being wheeled into to operating room. Next thing I remember I was waking up. I didn't really have pain either. That was a surprise!
My biggest thrill was not having nausea and vomiting after surgery. Usually I get super sick from anesthesia and throw up for a whole day. It was a pleasant surprise to feel OK after surgery and not feel like puking! That put a smile on my face!
I was home from the hospital by 11:30am and spent the afternoon chilling out on my couch. I napped off and on and woke up feeling rested this morning. I have not had to take any pain medication either. I could not have asked for a better surgery experience! I am glad it's over with though!
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Saturday, April 20, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
More Surgery...This is Nothing!
Well I have still been busy living life and loving it so I have not posted much. I am doing OK but as the title says, I need more surgery. I need to have my ovaries out....joy hu? There is a cyst that just won't go away and my doctors want to be very thorough with things given my history with breast cancer so out comes the ovary. Since I am having one ovary out and estrogen is not my friend, I decided to have both ovaries out to further reduce any estrogen in my body.
What's funny is having surgery doesn't even scare me. I guess you put it all in perspective with what I have already been through, and this means a laproscopic oophrectomy seems like nothing. My surgery is next month and the recovery should be pretty easy from what I am told.
So I got excited that I would have less estrogen in my body since my breast cancer was fueled by hormones but then my medical oncologist took the wind out of my sails. He ordered a DEXA scan to get a baseline on my bone density. The results indicated I have osteopenia which is a precursor for osteoporosis. I am only 47 years old! That was a huge shock. I already exercise, maintain a low body weight, eat healthy, don't smoke, avoid processed foods, take calcium, etc.....how the heck did I get osteopenia? I guess this will be another question I will never know the answer to.
Now that I have osteopenia, I will most likely not be able to switch to an aromatase inhibitor (which is what post menopausal breast cancer patients take if their tumor was estrogen dependent) which offers the best protection from recurrence. The aromatase inhibitors can directly affect bone density and since I am at risk already, this is probably not the best choice for me. I guess I may stay on tamoxifen which does not effect bone density but is a little less effective in post menopausal women. This is so frustrating.
I am off to see an endocrinologist to discuss my bone density issues and see what they recommend. Looks like I will be put on some type of medication to help with my bone density. I feel like an old lady! I take pills daily and go to the doctor all the time. So now I have a whole list of doctors: medical oncologist, plastic surgeon, internist, gynecologist and endocrinologist. I also have an orthopedic sports medicine doctor and am doing some physical therapy for a hip injury a few times a week. Crazy! Isn't this what old ladies do??? LOL!
Oh well. Either way, I am thankful for the overall health and life I have now. I will continue to do what I can to stay healthy and hopefully live a long life. Each day is a gift and can be filled with joy if you let it.
What's funny is having surgery doesn't even scare me. I guess you put it all in perspective with what I have already been through, and this means a laproscopic oophrectomy seems like nothing. My surgery is next month and the recovery should be pretty easy from what I am told.
So I got excited that I would have less estrogen in my body since my breast cancer was fueled by hormones but then my medical oncologist took the wind out of my sails. He ordered a DEXA scan to get a baseline on my bone density. The results indicated I have osteopenia which is a precursor for osteoporosis. I am only 47 years old! That was a huge shock. I already exercise, maintain a low body weight, eat healthy, don't smoke, avoid processed foods, take calcium, etc.....how the heck did I get osteopenia? I guess this will be another question I will never know the answer to.
Now that I have osteopenia, I will most likely not be able to switch to an aromatase inhibitor (which is what post menopausal breast cancer patients take if their tumor was estrogen dependent) which offers the best protection from recurrence. The aromatase inhibitors can directly affect bone density and since I am at risk already, this is probably not the best choice for me. I guess I may stay on tamoxifen which does not effect bone density but is a little less effective in post menopausal women. This is so frustrating.
I am off to see an endocrinologist to discuss my bone density issues and see what they recommend. Looks like I will be put on some type of medication to help with my bone density. I feel like an old lady! I take pills daily and go to the doctor all the time. So now I have a whole list of doctors: medical oncologist, plastic surgeon, internist, gynecologist and endocrinologist. I also have an orthopedic sports medicine doctor and am doing some physical therapy for a hip injury a few times a week. Crazy! Isn't this what old ladies do??? LOL!
Oh well. Either way, I am thankful for the overall health and life I have now. I will continue to do what I can to stay healthy and hopefully live a long life. Each day is a gift and can be filled with joy if you let it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Just Busy Living Life
I feel bad that I have not posted in a long time, but as the title of this post says "I have just been busy living life". That's a good thing right? I guess what I mean by that is I have not had as much time or focus on thinking about breast cancer as much as I use to. I have been very actively starting my art business (that was my 2011 New Year's Resolution - yikes!) that I have been behind on. I am also working on decorating our new home. I volunteer at my son's school art class and teach fitness programs for the kids sometimes after school. I am on the PTO (never thought I would say that!) and help raise money for the school. In addition, I continue to help newly diagnosed breast cancer patients by talking to them and offering encouragement (I talked to three newly diagnosed women just this past week!). I also write letters new newly diagnosed women through Girls Love Mail (link at bottom of my blog).
As I think about all that has transpired in the past two years since my diagnosis, it is a lot to take in. So much has happened at times it's hard to comprehend. For me though, I continue to try to move forward in my life in a healthy, positive way. I am to a place where breast cancer DOES NOT define me. It is something that happened to me - but it is not who I am. I really believe that now. I don't know when I got here in my thoughts, but it is a GOOD feeling.
I know I will never truly be free from breast cancer. It will always be a part of who I am, but as time goes on it becomes a smaller and smaller part of me. For that I am grateful. Life is amazing and I am so happy. I won't let breast cancer rob me of that every day. I won't be defined by breast cancer or the fear that comes with it. I just won't! I guess that is why I don't post as much anymore. I am just busy living life! I hope that anyone newly diagnosed or at the beginning of the breast cancer road holds on to this post and keeps the faith that they will feel this way too one day.
As I think about all that has transpired in the past two years since my diagnosis, it is a lot to take in. So much has happened at times it's hard to comprehend. For me though, I continue to try to move forward in my life in a healthy, positive way. I am to a place where breast cancer DOES NOT define me. It is something that happened to me - but it is not who I am. I really believe that now. I don't know when I got here in my thoughts, but it is a GOOD feeling.
I know I will never truly be free from breast cancer. It will always be a part of who I am, but as time goes on it becomes a smaller and smaller part of me. For that I am grateful. Life is amazing and I am so happy. I won't let breast cancer rob me of that every day. I won't be defined by breast cancer or the fear that comes with it. I just won't! I guess that is why I don't post as much anymore. I am just busy living life! I hope that anyone newly diagnosed or at the beginning of the breast cancer road holds on to this post and keeps the faith that they will feel this way too one day.
Friday, December 7, 2012
It's Been Two Years
As I looked at the calendar today I realized that tomorrow it will be exactly two years since the whole breast cancer thing started. Two years ago they told me "it no longer looks consistent with something benign". I can still remember the exact words. I can still remember that beautiful, clear, sunny December day when everything changed. Sometimes I can't believe it all happened and other times it seems so real.
When I look at my life now, it could not be any more different than it was when I was diagnosed. If you told me two years ago that I would quite my career, stay home, do volunteer work and be a soccer mom I would have laughed. Now, that is my reality. It's a far cry from the type A, career driven working mom I was before.
The other day I was driving in my car and thinking about my life now and just thinking how incredibly happy I am. I love my new life. I feel such joy everyday. I feel like a completely different person than the woman I was before breast cancer. I am glad that I get to experience this level of joy in my life, but feel sad that it took breast cancer to get here. I know I can't change that so I don't dwell on it, but I just wish I could have gotten here a different way.
The other thing I thought about is "will this all come crashing down"? Life feels so good now....will something come along and destroy that? I know that sounds negative, but life seems too good to be true at times. That scares me.
As I think about how I felt at the beginning of my diagnosis, how I felt one year after diagnosis and how I feel now I realize just how far I have come. I have found a place in my life where I believe in myself and don't live in fear every minute of every day. I am focusing on enjoying my life. I am not focusing on breast cancer. I have learned so much from my experience that I continue to try to support those that are behind me on the breast cancer road. I want to offer them a bit of hope when things seem so hopeless, just as others did for me.
Two years after my diagnosis, I have to say that life is great. I am happy. I feel healthy. I continue to pray for a cure for breast cancer and especially for those not as fortunate. Please God, let there be a cure.
When I look at my life now, it could not be any more different than it was when I was diagnosed. If you told me two years ago that I would quite my career, stay home, do volunteer work and be a soccer mom I would have laughed. Now, that is my reality. It's a far cry from the type A, career driven working mom I was before.
The other day I was driving in my car and thinking about my life now and just thinking how incredibly happy I am. I love my new life. I feel such joy everyday. I feel like a completely different person than the woman I was before breast cancer. I am glad that I get to experience this level of joy in my life, but feel sad that it took breast cancer to get here. I know I can't change that so I don't dwell on it, but I just wish I could have gotten here a different way.
The other thing I thought about is "will this all come crashing down"? Life feels so good now....will something come along and destroy that? I know that sounds negative, but life seems too good to be true at times. That scares me.
As I think about how I felt at the beginning of my diagnosis, how I felt one year after diagnosis and how I feel now I realize just how far I have come. I have found a place in my life where I believe in myself and don't live in fear every minute of every day. I am focusing on enjoying my life. I am not focusing on breast cancer. I have learned so much from my experience that I continue to try to support those that are behind me on the breast cancer road. I want to offer them a bit of hope when things seem so hopeless, just as others did for me.
Two years after my diagnosis, I have to say that life is great. I am happy. I feel healthy. I continue to pray for a cure for breast cancer and especially for those not as fortunate. Please God, let there be a cure.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Deja Vu
Yes, it has been a long time since I posted. I guess the more time that goes by after diagnosis and treatment, the more "normal" life becomes again. That is a good thing considering how difficult it is to walk through all the steps involved with breast cancer. I remember it being so "all consuming" and such a part of EVERY minute of my day. I am glad that as time has gone on, it has become less consuming and a much smaller part of my day.
We just returned from our yearly Bahamas vacation. We have gone the past several years, but didn't go last year because of my treatment and our move out of state. The last time we went was shortly before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I would look at the photos from that trip before my diagnosis, I just got sad because life was "normal" back then. Now everything is different. I mourn living in a care-free way and not worrying about cancer. Maybe I was just naive back then and thought I was invincible or something. Either way, I feel sad that breast cancer has changed my life forever.
When we went on our trip last week, it was like a big "deja vu". I felt so much more normal. I felt like it was just a "normal" vacation. I can't say that I never thought about breast cancer, but I can say that I didn't think about it all the time. Strangely, it felt like my old life and our previous trips to the Bahamas. That was refreshing for a change!
The other thing I noticed is how my perspective on things has changed. Maybe it's the whole breast cancer experience, or perhaps the Effexor I take, but I am so much more laid back about things than I use to be. Hurricane Sandy hit the Bahamas while we were there and I just went with the flow. I am not sure the old me would have done that. My poor husband was stressed and complaining a lot about the storm ruining our trip. I kept saying "go with it...you can't change it, so let's have some fun spending time together!" I had to keep reminding him of that for those few days. That was strange to hear myself (former "type A", high strung person) telling him to chill out! That was not a "deja vu" moment by any means, but it was nice to not worry about it. I guess given what I have been through, hurricane Sandy is nothing!
I hope anyone newly diagnosed reading this finds hope in the old saying that "in time things will get better", because it's true. I never thought I would be able to say that, but here I am putting it in print. I hope time continues to allow me more and more "normal" life experiences and much less time spent thinking about breast cancer. Life IS going on every day and any time I spend worrying about all of this is time wasted. I have to remember that in those little moments of breast cancer panic. I hope to continue to have "deja vu" experiences that remind me of my pre-breast cancer life.
We just returned from our yearly Bahamas vacation. We have gone the past several years, but didn't go last year because of my treatment and our move out of state. The last time we went was shortly before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I would look at the photos from that trip before my diagnosis, I just got sad because life was "normal" back then. Now everything is different. I mourn living in a care-free way and not worrying about cancer. Maybe I was just naive back then and thought I was invincible or something. Either way, I feel sad that breast cancer has changed my life forever.
When we went on our trip last week, it was like a big "deja vu". I felt so much more normal. I felt like it was just a "normal" vacation. I can't say that I never thought about breast cancer, but I can say that I didn't think about it all the time. Strangely, it felt like my old life and our previous trips to the Bahamas. That was refreshing for a change!
The other thing I noticed is how my perspective on things has changed. Maybe it's the whole breast cancer experience, or perhaps the Effexor I take, but I am so much more laid back about things than I use to be. Hurricane Sandy hit the Bahamas while we were there and I just went with the flow. I am not sure the old me would have done that. My poor husband was stressed and complaining a lot about the storm ruining our trip. I kept saying "go with it...you can't change it, so let's have some fun spending time together!" I had to keep reminding him of that for those few days. That was strange to hear myself (former "type A", high strung person) telling him to chill out! That was not a "deja vu" moment by any means, but it was nice to not worry about it. I guess given what I have been through, hurricane Sandy is nothing!
I hope anyone newly diagnosed reading this finds hope in the old saying that "in time things will get better", because it's true. I never thought I would be able to say that, but here I am putting it in print. I hope time continues to allow me more and more "normal" life experiences and much less time spent thinking about breast cancer. Life IS going on every day and any time I spend worrying about all of this is time wasted. I have to remember that in those little moments of breast cancer panic. I hope to continue to have "deja vu" experiences that remind me of my pre-breast cancer life.
Friday, August 24, 2012
A Dose of Just What I Needed
I have been so busy all summer living life and being at home with my son, I have not had as much time to dwell on breast cancer and all that comes with it. Now that my son is back to school, I am trying to get back into a routine. This morning started like any other morning. I was up early, got dressed, got my son up and dressed. We had breakfast and then I got him off to school. I sat here at home getting ready to hit the gym and then it hit me......it was just a "normal morning" the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It started like any other day, but it was NOT like any other day. I guess my anxiety was getting the best of me today since I had my three month medical oncology appointment today.
My mind kept racing with crazy thoughts. What if my blood work reveals something bad? What if the doctor notices something bad? What if today is another day that is NOT like any other day? All of my fears of breast cancer and what I have been through came rushing back all at once. I was left feeling emotional and stressed out. I went to the gym. I did not feel like running today, but I did anyway. I guess the stress really pushed me. It was the first time I have run 6 miles in less than 60 minutes! I didn't even have a cramp in my side. I guess I was really wound up from all the breast cancer thoughts.
When I left the gym, I sent a text to my dear friend Shannon (one of my Bosom Buddies - we went through this crap together). I asked her to call me as I was having a rough day. Within minutes, the phone rang. We talked about all of this. She put me at ease and helped me talk about my fears. She "got it" as she has the same fears most of the time. I chatted with her until I walked into the medical oncology office. (Gosh am I grateful for Bosom Buddies!!!)
My doctor appointment went well. He said my blood was "pristine." That was a great way to start off the appointment. At one point I said I wanted to review some current clinical trials for treatments that may help improve my odds. He seemed a bit taken back by my questions. He kept reinforcing I had great odds already. I said, "well since breast cancer is not curable I will continue to search for new or additional ways I can help myself be here to watch my son grow up." He said "who told you breast cancer was not curable?" I said "none of my doctors have EVER used the word curable....only treatable with good outcomes. Many of the studies talk about survival rates for the next 10 years after diagnosis - I never hear of them referring to the rest of your life." He replied with "CURABLE, CURABLE, CURABLE!!!! I will say it as many times as you need to hear it. I believe you are cured...I can't prove it, but I believe it!" I guess he gave me a dose of just what I needed today. I felt better after I left his office.
While I try so hard every day to live like I don't have breast cancer, it's hard to make it completely go away. I don't think it ever will. It has forever changed me in many ways. I hope to continue being optimistic and hopeful for the future. I want to be here to be a grandma one day and to retire and grow old with my husband. Some days it is easier than others. I guess if I was having a rough day, I could not ask for more support than my dear friend Shannon and my medical oncologist giving me a dose of just what I needed.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
A "Little" Inspiration
Sometimes inspiration comes to you from unexpected sources. Since I am a fitness professional and have been for years, I am use to being the one to try to inspire and encourage people to workout hard. The other day I had a startling revelation that I have raised a real "mini me"! My son has taken over the coaching role and has been a source of inspiration and encouragement for ME! It really caught me off guard.
This was our conversation as we were walking into the gym one day last week:
Me: "Oh honey, I am tired today and I don't feel like working out."
My Son: "Mommy, you have to. You should run today."
Me: "I should run today?"
My Son: "Yes, you should run 8 miles"
Me: "8 miles? I don't think I can today"
My Son: "You can do it Mommy, you have done it before"
What could I say to that???? So I got in there and ran the dang 8 miles. After my workout we were leaving the gym and here was the conversation:
Me: "Well, I ran the 8 miles"
My son" "Good Mommy, I am proud of you. Next time you can run 10 miles"
OMG! I was trying to contain myself. He is going to kill me! Now I know what it feels like to have someone coach me!
I guess it made me realize why I have done EVERYTHING I have done with my breast cancer treatment in the past year and a half. I did it all for him. I am so happy to be here and feeling good. I cherish the time I spend with my son and am inspired by him every day. I still dread the day that I have to explain my breast cancer to him (he still doesn't know I had it or did chemo), but I will remind him that if I can run 8 miles then I am fine. Sometimes inspiration really does come from unexpected sources. Oh and if you are wondering, I have not attempted the 10 miles yet. I will though, but I will be afraid to tell my son because then he will want me to run 12 miles. I have been thinking about doing a half marathon and at this rate, my son will have me ready soon!!
This was our conversation as we were walking into the gym one day last week:
Me: "Oh honey, I am tired today and I don't feel like working out."
My Son: "Mommy, you have to. You should run today."
Me: "I should run today?"
My Son: "Yes, you should run 8 miles"
Me: "8 miles? I don't think I can today"
My Son: "You can do it Mommy, you have done it before"
What could I say to that???? So I got in there and ran the dang 8 miles. After my workout we were leaving the gym and here was the conversation:
Me: "Well, I ran the 8 miles"
My son" "Good Mommy, I am proud of you. Next time you can run 10 miles"
OMG! I was trying to contain myself. He is going to kill me! Now I know what it feels like to have someone coach me!
I guess it made me realize why I have done EVERYTHING I have done with my breast cancer treatment in the past year and a half. I did it all for him. I am so happy to be here and feeling good. I cherish the time I spend with my son and am inspired by him every day. I still dread the day that I have to explain my breast cancer to him (he still doesn't know I had it or did chemo), but I will remind him that if I can run 8 miles then I am fine. Sometimes inspiration really does come from unexpected sources. Oh and if you are wondering, I have not attempted the 10 miles yet. I will though, but I will be afraid to tell my son because then he will want me to run 12 miles. I have been thinking about doing a half marathon and at this rate, my son will have me ready soon!!
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