"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Bittersweet Time of Year

Well it has been a super long time since I have written.  I guess that is because life slowly returns to normal and busy after breast cancer treatment is over.  It's that time of year that is filled with joy, cheer, decorations and happy times, but for me it is still bittersweet.  It was this time of year when I heard those life changing words "it's not good...there are cancer cells" four years ago.  In many ways, it seems SO long ago, but in other ways all of it comes rushing back.

This time four years ago, I was living a care free life.  I thought that cancer and all other bad things could NEVER happen to me.  Those things only happen to other people.  I got up and plowed through each day and didn't appreciate things as much as I could have because I was too busy....too stressed.....life was crazy.  I didn't take time to "live in the moment" as much as I should have.  I was not as patient as I could have been.  I was always over committed and felt like I was juggling way too much.  I would not say I was a bad person...I was just normal.  Looking back now, I think I was a bit naive.

Now, four years later, I am different.  I have learned a lot in the last four years that has changed me.  I definitely see that I have learned how to not sweat the small stuff as much as I use to.  I let things go way more than I use to.  I live in the moment more.  I take time to stop and smell the roses.  I am more patient with my son and others.  Most of all, I have grown to understand TRUE empathy for others.  I feel I can connect with people on a different level when they are faced with a difficult situation or tragedy in their life.  Breast cancer has made me a better person.  I guess that is the silver lining to the dark cloud cancer brings. 

I like most of the changes in myself.  I can't say I am "glad" that I went through breast cancer, but it did bring me to a better place in life in many ways.  I want to look to the future holding on to that because some good did come out of this experience. 

For those of you reading this that are newly diagnosed, or still going through treatment, it is a long road.  I am not some "strong" woman or "super girl".  I was not different than you when I was going through this.  I never thought I could reach a place like this in my life after my diagnosis.  I just want to assure you that you can get here too.  Give it time.....  I hate that old saying "time heals all wounds", but it is true!  Time can work miracles.  Be patient and kind to yourself!   Happy holidays!


  1. Can't believe it's been 4 years since we both received that diagnosis... in other ways, it feels like it was 10 years ago (and not in a good way!). Great to see you blogging again! Were it not for BC, we never would have "met." So there's the silver lining, tarnished though it may be. :-)

  2. I am so thankful I read this today. I was just diagnosed this past Wednesday. Had 2 different biopsies this week...yesterdays stereotactic was the worst. I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day today. At times wondering if life will ever be "normal" again, If I will ever be normal again. Your post gives me hope.

  3. There is always hope even if you can barely find it. It is still there. This is not a fun journey, but it is doable. You can get through this. I thought the beginning was the hardest part because there was so much uncertainty and fear. Once you start on a treatment plan, it somehow gets a little easier. It will be a long year, but just think this time next year you will be over surgeries and chemo and be able to start fresh. Best of luck! :)