75% done with nasty old chemo!

Today I completed my 3rd of 4 treatments with taxotere and cytoxan.  It feels GOOD to have one more session down and done!  Only one more chemo to go!  I never thought I would get here.  When I started chemo, today seemed so far away. 

Today was uneventful.  Chemo went as expected which is good.  I met with my medical oncologist first to review blood work.  All looked OK so that was good news.   I got the nerve to ask her when I could teach aerobics again and she gave me an OK!  She said I have done so well through chemo and she does not believe she is looking at someone still doing chemo.  She said "you don't look or act sick".  I am going to get myself on the aerobics schedule as soon as I can in the next few weeks.  I have not taught a class since late January.  I can't wait to see all my people again and do something "normal".

After meeting with the oncologist it was time for chemo. I started with my usual pre-chemo cocktail including benedryl and ativan.  I started my cold caps...they were a bit chilly at first but then I could not really feel that so much.  Quite honestly the part that is MOST uncomfortable is icing my fingers and toes during the taxotere portion of chemo.  Oh my God is that horrible!  It is ten times worse than wearing a cold cap.  The total amount of time I ice fingers and toes is about 1 1/2 hours and seems like an eternity.  I kept asking my husband "how many more minutes?" over and over again.  I felt like a kid in the car asking "are we there yet?".  I could not help myself...it is just that bad for me.  Thank goodness I only have to do that one more time..........

I remained a little doped up and out of it for chemo. The meds even made me a bit tired.  We were there all day as the cold cap protocol lasts for hours.  By the time I got home it was 5pm.  We had a quick dinner and then went outside to play in the yard with our little one (it finally felt like spring here today!).  I am feeling fine.   My appetite was a little off today but that usually happens each time.  I know I will be starving in the next few days and eat way too much (that happens every time too!).  Oh well.  I will hit the gym in the morning and try to work some of it off!

I can only hope this round goes as uneventful in the coming days as the last round of chemo went.  I am going to remain hopeful and optimistic on this!!!

It's been 4 months since I got breast cancer

I just realized today that this week it will be four months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In some ways the time has gone by slow, but in other ways the time has gone by fast.  Regardless, I still can't believe this is my life.

So much has happened in the past four months.  It started with all the tests to try to figure out what was going on and what needed to be done.  Next there was a sentinel node biopsy, lumpectomy, oncotype dx test, bilateral mastectomy, chemo port surgery and chemo.  When I stop and think about all that I have been through, I still can't believe this is my life.

I remember when this started I just wanted to be through everything that I had to do.  Now I am through so much of it.  I look back and can't believe it.  This week I will be 75% done with chemo and then I just have my exchange surgery (for permanent implants) in June.  I don't know how I got through everything I have done, I really don't.  I never thought I could do all of this.  I was petrified and had huge anxiety over every single step too.  I cried so many tears Kleenex sales should have skyrocketed! 

Now that I look back I have learned a few things.  I have learned that you have to read about everything and become your own advocate.  I have learned you better completely understand your pathology report and ask lots of questions (even if the doctors and surgeons don't like it - who cares?).  Exercise is the thing that keeps me feeling good and emotionally sane (at least on most days).  I have learned to "problem solve" for myself.  What I mean is, my biggest fear of chemo was losing my hair.  I did research and found a solution in Penguin Cold Caps.  I was worried about losing eyelashes and eyebrows so I found some help with Latisse.  Reading and talking to other breast cancer patients has been very helpful to prepare myself for what was to come and know how to handle any issues that came up.  By far the biggest thing I learned in this is that the anxiety of everything I have had to endure before it happened was more difficult than actually going through it.  I have to say this whole journey has been easier than I ever anticipated.  Don't get me wrong...this has not been fun at all, but I have been able to get through everything and most of it hurt less than I ever imagined. 

I am not done with my journey yet as with breast cancer it is a life long battle, but it does feel really good to have so much behind me right now.  I will look forward now and focus on getting through chemo (only 3 more weeks and I am done!) and figure out how to put my life back together.  I finally feel like I will get to a place where breast cancer WON'T define me. 

It's chemo week.....again

This week I will have chemo treatment #3.  That means I will only have one more to go.  I never thought I would get here, let alone that it would happen so fast.  The weeks have flown by since starting chemo.  I can't believe it has gone so quickly. 

I have managed way better than I imagined so far.  I keep waiting for the shoe to drop and to feel awful.  It just can't be this easy getting through chemo.  It just can't be.  I want to remain optimistic that it could be this easy, but I am having a hard time buying that!

I am thinking about doing chemo again on Wednesday and having a little anxiety over it.  I just hate waiting for side effects or the possibility of feeling bad.  Oh and the eating non-stop for days following chemo due to the steroids. I just can't stop eating carbs in the days following chemo.  I don't know how anyone can be that hungry! 

I am counting my blessings that I have felt so good.  I have not missed a workout since starting chemo other than infusion days.  I have not taken any naps.  I have not felt nauseous at all (I have not taken one pill for that).  I pray that I continue to feel this good and just get through this OK.  One can hope. 

Why is washing the hair so traumatic?

I use to wash my hair every day.  I would wash, blow dry and sometimes use a curling iron or hair straightener and never gave it a second thought.  When I think about all the styling products - gels, mousse, hairspray and more that I would use....I never paid attention to what was in it or if it was harmful.  Now everything is different.

Since I am doing the Penguin  Cold Caps to keep my hair through chemotherapy the whole hair game is different.  Now washing my hair is completely stressful and emotional.  Yes, you read that right...stressful and emotional.  I said to my husband earlier today "I have to go upstairs and wash my hair and freak out and cry for a while so I have to allow time for all the drama so I will see you in a few hours".  Yes, you read that right too - I really said that to my husband.  This is my new normal, unfortunately. 

So here I sit with a towel on my wet hair waiting for it to dry a little since the hair dryer is now evil.  I hate washing my hair now.  It is torture seeing ever strand fall when I wet, wash, condition, rinse and comb it.  Ugh!  I swear it is going to make me nuts by the end of chemo.... 

The funny thing is that my hair pretty much looks normal to everyone else.  No one really knows (except me) what comes out when I wash it.  So if I stress about my hair, no one understands.  I have never spent so much time and energy on my hair!  It's exhausting!

I guess the good news is that I am almost 6 weeks out after my first chemo and still have a full head of hair.  Normally hair falls out almost completely within 21 days of starting the chemo regimen I am on.  The people at Penguin Cold Caps told me "if you still have hair at day 21 it will work for you."   I guess I am lucky about that despite the stress of all of this. 

I am definitely still shedding more than I did before starting chemo.  I soooo wish that would slow down more but that will take time I am sure.  For now I barely wash it.  There is minimal styling since you have to be so gentle with your hair.  I am lucky I have long hair so I can gently pull it back in a loose ponytail.  I do miss styling it my normal way, but I am so dang happy I have hair, I will take it!

Enjoying feeling good before more chemo

Time flies when you are having chemo!  I can't believe next week I will be ready for chemo #3!  After that I will be 75% completed.  It seems like the weeks in between chemo just fly by so fast.  It's funny because when I started chemo it seemed like it would last forever.  Now I can barely enjoy my time in between because time goes so quickly.

I have my weekly blood draws.  Last week they said the iron levels had dropped so I stared iron tablets daily.  This week they said my platelets were dropping a bit.  The levels are not too low for me to get the next chemo, but we have to watch the levels.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to help with platelet levels, but I continue to eat foods high in iron daily when I can to help with the iron levels.

I feel good for going through chemo.  I have continued to exercise 5 days a week since chemo started and the only days I have missed have been infusion days.  I do get some tiredness in my thighs at the end of the day (a slight burning feeling like my legs were tired from a workout) but for the most part that's the only side effect I am experiencing.  I can live with that!

The Penguin Cold Caps seem to be doing their job.  My hair is still hanging on.  When I look in the mirror, it's a full head of hair which makes me happy.  I continue to notice more strands than average fall out each day, but no clumps come out and I have no bald spots or anything.  My friends and family only notice I don't wear my usual hair style (blown out straight) so it looks different to them, but really it still looks like my hair.

I have 4 more weeks until I am finished with chemo!  I am over half way there at this point.  I am so glad to know I am pushing through it.  So far, it has been way easier than I thought.  I can only hope and pray that the rest goes just like that.  I am going to stay optimistic that this is how it will go!

Let's talk fat...not weight but in food

Having a degree in Health Education and trying to be healthy most of my life, I focused a lot on a lower fat diet through most of my life.  Being Italian, I always used a lot of olive oil because it's good for you and let's face it, it tastes good too!  I never really thought much about safflower oil, soybean oil, sunflower oil or corn oil.  Quite honestly, I never even bought any of those oils for cooking that I can remember and never really thought about them.  Now because of breast cancer, I have to think about them and avoid them like crazy!  Who knew?

These types of oils are trans-fats or they are also called "hydrogenated" or "partially hydrogenated" vegetable oils.  These oils are usually liquid form, but through the hydrogenating process they are altered so they will remain solid at room temperature.  The benefit to changing the form of these oils is that it makes food stay fresh for long periods of time so they are used in almost every type of packaged food available in grocery stores.  Try reading the labels on chips, tortilla chips, crackers, cookies, graham crackers and any snack food and you will most likely find one of these oils.  It is almost impossible to find a food that does not contain corn oil, safflower oil, sunflower oil or soybean oil.  Trust me.  I have spent hours in the grocery store reading labels and it is so depressing!  Oh how I miss my favorite honey wheat pretzels.....boo!

I started reading up on these oils and their relationship to breast cancer and came away with a strong desire to eliminate them from my diet as much as possible for a few reasons.  First of oil, the hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils are much more difficult for the body to digest.  That certainly can't be good for anyone.  The other thing is that these oils can be much more inflammatory for the body. 

To understand the inflammatory part of this you have to understand the omega 3's and omega 6's.  The body cannot product omega 3 or omega 6 fatty acids so they must come from the diet to keep the body healthy.  Omega 3 fatty acids help lower risk of cardiac death, heart disease and can lower cholesterol.  A very important role relative to cancer is that omega 3 fatty acids can lower inflammation in the body.  There are other benefits too like increasing learning in children, decreasing blood pressure, lowering risk if blood clots and boosting the immune system.  Omega 6's also play an important role in brain function, growth and development, help with skin and hair growth, maintain bone health, and maintain metabolism and reproductive health.  On the negative side, some omega 6 fatty acids actually promote inflammation in the body.  So while there are many benefits of omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids, there needs to be a balance, literally. 

A good diet that promotes health is balanced between omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids.  In the average American diet there is a great in balance of of these fats.  The average American consumes 14-25 times more omega 6 fatty acids than omega 3 fatty acids.  When you look at the Mediterranean diet, there is much greater balance between the two.  Numerous studies indicate that the Mediterranean diet has a lower occurrence of heart disease and this diet is much lower in meat and much higher in foods containing omega 3 fatty acids (olive oil, garlic, fish, whole grains, fruits and small amounts of red wine). 

There are a few reasons why the American diet is so unbalanced in regards to these fats.  The first reason is that almost all packaged foods contain these fats so most people have no idea how much they are even consuming.  The other reason there is a large in balance is because of the way animals that produce foods (dairy cows, meat cows, chickens for eggs, chickens for meat, etc...) are raised and fed.  When animals are cage raised and not grass fed, they too consume large amounts of feed that contain high amounts of omega 6 fatty acids (soy, corn, etc...).  Therefore anything these animals produce are also in balanced in omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids.  So not only do you have to avoid the sunflower, safflower, corn and soybean oils, you now have to evaluate what kinds of meat and dairy products you eat.  Oh how complex this is!

When it comes to cows for example, when they are grass fed and free range, they eat a proper amount of balanced foods (in regards to omega fatty acids) and therefore the ratio of omega 3 to omega 6 is better balanced in the foods produced from these animals.  Some studies also show these animals produce meats that contain less fat.  If the animal is fed mostly grains the ratio is completely off and then is transferred to the food they produce. 

The balanced diet has a ratio range of 2:1 to 4:1 of omega 6 to omega 3 fatty acids.  Since the omega 6 fatty acids are hidden in so many foods typically consumed it is best to focus on a diet rich in omega 3 fatty acids to balance things out, in addition to avoiding foods that contain omega 6 fatty acids.

Good sources of omega 3's include many types of fish.   Many dairy products are fortified with omega 3's such as eggs, milk, juice, yogurt, whole grain bread, cereal, whole grain pasta, oatmeal and wheat flour tortillas.  There are also many fresh produce options that contain omega 3s including brussel sprouts, kale, mint, parsley, spinach and watercress.

As far as avoiding some of the omega 6 fatty acids, it almost seems impossible to me right now!  I have been spending so much time reading labels on food in the store and most things contain these fats.  Here is a list of the common foods I use to eat that contain these fats: pancakes, waffles, whole grain breads/bagels/English muffins, crackers, pretzels, low fat biscotti cookies, animal crackers, tortilla chips, baked chips, flour tortillas, wheat pita bread, hummus, graham crackers, rice snacks, and more!  I have finally realized I need to start doing a lot of cooking and baking so I can use proper substitutes for the bad oils in these very common foods.  I don't know how I will ever find time to bake and cook all of these common convenience foods, but I am going to try. 

This is a big undertaking and right now seems very depressing to me.  For now I am snacking on apples, carrots, popcorn (popped in olive oil) and a few other things.  I have searched my stores and have been able to find some things that don't contain these oils but some are not organic.  I did find wheat pita bread, whole grain wheat tortillas, whole grain flat bread crackers and whole wheat English muffins.  So far I have not found any crackers or any low fat/low sugar cookies.  I guess it will help me keep my body weight down, right?

Still obsessing about the hair..yes, the hair

I am now 10 days past my second chemo and 4 1/2 weeks after my first chemo and still have a full head of hair thanks to the Penguin Cold Caps.  I won't say this week went by without stress over the hair, but overall it went well.  As I was told there will be shedding periods with the cold caps, but you will keep most of your hair.  They are right!

The shedding was definitely the worst last weekend.  I was so freaked out (read my previous posts!!!).   I have never cried over my hair before!  I can say calmly today that the shedding has continued to decrease each day.  That gives me hope that I can do this and keep my hair. 

This week I was to afraid to wash my hair and it is recommended to only wash once or twice a week during chemo if using cold caps.  I was so scared to wash but my hair got so gross.  I realized yesterday when I went to the gym that I was actually embarrassed to go with my hair looking like that.  I guess since most people go to the gym with gross hair, if you are embarrassed to go there because of your hair, it is time to wash the hair!  So I fretted all morning and most of the day and by 3pm I bit the bullet and washed my hair. 

With the cold cap protocol you wash your hair in cold/cool water so it's never relaxing....so I began and it was not that bad on the shedding.  I did lose some hair...more than I would lose before starting chemo, but when I got done, I still had a full head of hair.  I keep reminding myself that each time I look in the mirror. 

I realized this morning that it IS working well for me.  I went to my son's swim lesson (I never go because I am always teaching aerobics classes on Saturday mornings) and felt like every other mom in there.  No one would ever know I have breast cancer or that I am going through chemo.  My husband introduced me to another dad that brings his son to the same class and it was nice to feel "normal".  He knew I taught aerobics on Saturday mornings and can't usually come to class (apparently my hubby told him),  I simply said I was off teaching due to an injury right now.  That was way better than saying "I have breast cancer" and getting "the look".

So despite being worried over losing hair a bit, it IS working.  The Penguin Cold Caps are worth the effort.  I plan on ending chemo with my hair and dignity!