Why is washing the hair so traumatic?

I use to wash my hair every day.  I would wash, blow dry and sometimes use a curling iron or hair straightener and never gave it a second thought.  When I think about all the styling products - gels, mousse, hairspray and more that I would use....I never paid attention to what was in it or if it was harmful.  Now everything is different.

Since I am doing the Penguin  Cold Caps to keep my hair through chemotherapy the whole hair game is different.  Now washing my hair is completely stressful and emotional.  Yes, you read that right...stressful and emotional.  I said to my husband earlier today "I have to go upstairs and wash my hair and freak out and cry for a while so I have to allow time for all the drama so I will see you in a few hours".  Yes, you read that right too - I really said that to my husband.  This is my new normal, unfortunately. 

So here I sit with a towel on my wet hair waiting for it to dry a little since the hair dryer is now evil.  I hate washing my hair now.  It is torture seeing ever strand fall when I wet, wash, condition, rinse and comb it.  Ugh!  I swear it is going to make me nuts by the end of chemo.... 

The funny thing is that my hair pretty much looks normal to everyone else.  No one really knows (except me) what comes out when I wash it.  So if I stress about my hair, no one understands.  I have never spent so much time and energy on my hair!  It's exhausting!

I guess the good news is that I am almost 6 weeks out after my first chemo and still have a full head of hair.  Normally hair falls out almost completely within 21 days of starting the chemo regimen I am on.  The people at Penguin Cold Caps told me "if you still have hair at day 21 it will work for you."   I guess I am lucky about that despite the stress of all of this. 

I am definitely still shedding more than I did before starting chemo.  I soooo wish that would slow down more but that will take time I am sure.  For now I barely wash it.  There is minimal styling since you have to be so gentle with your hair.  I am lucky I have long hair so I can gently pull it back in a loose ponytail.  I do miss styling it my normal way, but I am so dang happy I have hair, I will take it!