"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Other Side Of The Mountain

I can't believe this week it will be ten months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In some ways it seems like so much time has gone by but in other ways it seems like yesterday that my world crashed.  Either way, I know I have come such a long way since that day the doctor said "it no longer looks consistent with something benign." 

When I think about the last ten months, I think about the road ahead of me now and the road that was ahead of me back then.  The road then was full of surgeries and treatments with unknown results and side effects.  It was full of so much uncertainty and fear.  It made me face my worst fears head on.  It tested my strength, my courage, my faith and my emotional abilities.  I just remember I kept saying that I wanted to climb this big mountain in front of me and get to the other side and find some beauty in something from there.  I know now I am on the other side of the mountain and heading down.  I can't believe I actually made it to the other side.

The other side of the mountain is better for sure.  I am glad to have almost all of my surgeries completed (I have one more surgery in early December).  It was my goal to complete this stuff by year's end.  I thought I would never get through chemo and actually it kind of went by pretty fast.  I thought I would never stop shedding hair and worried that the Cold Caps wouldn't work, but they did work and I stopped shedding - and still have my hair.  I remember the burning in my legs and body from chemo fatigue and thought I would never have my strong body back, but it's back stronger than ever.

When I look back and try to see the beauty in the mountain in some way, I find some things that are better in my life now.  Giving up a high stress job that was not my passion has made me more at peace and removed so much tension from my life.  This has not only made me happier, but made my family happier.  Moving out of state was hard, but now that it is just the three of us, we are closer as a family and do more together - just the three of us.  That is a good thing!  I have also gotten closer to other people in my life and always tell them how much I love them.  That is something most people don't ever do.  It feels great to tell someone you love them and to know they know how you feel.  I have also met some amazing women that also have breast cancer.  These new friends have helped enrich my life when it was at it's worst and have made me smile, laugh and be stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I see these things as being the beautiful view from the other side of the mountain.  The other side of the mountain is definitely better!

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