"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Sunday, July 31, 2011

More big changes

So much has happened since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of last year and now even more big changes.  I am fullfilling one of my goals and New Year's Resolutions for this year and that is leaving corporate America!  I am quitting my job tomorrow.  I can't believe it.  I don't know what to think.  I am nervous about calling my boss and friend and breaking the news.  I have been a hard working employee there for almost 4 years and I know my boss won't be expecting this. 

I have mixed feelings.  I have wanted to leave my full time job and continue pursuing my art business for a long time but have never been in a position to actually do it.  I love working but am just kind of over the stress associated with my job as a sales rep.  I love parts of my job, but over the years it has become harder and harder to do and more and more frustrating.  I know it's not my dream job at all, but it is a good job which has provided very well for my family.  Now that we are moving to Chicago I will be quitting my job and will be able to pursue my business.  I am also planning on continuing to teach fitness classes once we get settled there.  It will be a big change for me to not work in a full time capacity. 

I look at all the things that have happened since December and at times I still can't digest it.  Breast cancer hits me out of no where.  I have a lumpectomy, bilateral mastectomy and the first part of reconstructive surgery.  Chemo came along next and more surgery for reconstruction.  My husband got a new job out of state and we sold our house.  We move in two weeks!  Through every step of this I have tried to remain positive and keep life "normal" for my young son.  It has been a very long road.

Months ago we made reservations for a vacation to celebrate me being done with treatment.  The trip is to the beach with four other families (good friends and my sister along with their families).  We leave this week.  When we made the reservations I never thought this trip would also be about good-byes.  This will be the last time I get to spend time with those people I care so much for before we move.  The moving truck comes two days after we return from vacation to move us out of state.  This trip was suppose to be about "celebration", not good-byes.

I think about how life was back in December before breast cancer.  I can vividly remember the morning I went to the breast center for what I thought would be a "routine" thing and a normal day.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I just got up and put my business suit on and said good bye to my husband and son that morning.  I can remember watching them pull out of the garage as I waved good-bye.  I can still remember it all so clearly.  I can remember how sunny it was that day - even in December here where it is cold.  Nothing will ever be the same in so many ways since that sunny, cold and life altering day.  I have experienced more big changes than I could have ever imagined.  Now I can add moving out of state to the long list of changes.  For now I will focus on enjoying my trip with those I love and celebrate my health with them.  I hope we build some wonderful memories that will make me smile no matter how far apart we are.  

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