"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Got rid of the chemo port - yippy!

Yesterday I got my chemo port out of my arm!  Thank God!  Now that summer is almost here it is harder to hide so I am super glad it is gone.  I guess it didn't really hurt much or anything.  It was just bulky and bumping it would make it hurt.  Most of all it was ugly and a huge reminder of cancer and chemo.  So glad it's gone!

The procedure was not bad.  It was odd for me this time as I was unbelievably calm.  For every other procedure I have had, I have been completely a bundle of nerves and on the verge of tears.  For this one, I was super calm.  No tears.  As they wheeled me away from my dear husband I did not cry.  I said "love you - get some lunch and I will see you soon".  I then put my IPod on and rolled with it. 

I guess after all I have been through in the past six months, getting a chemo port out was nothing.  It was odd to be awake during this and be completely aware of everything.  I am not sure I like that so much...I would prefer to be sleeping but they don't want to sedate you if they don't have to.  The doctor wanted to start the procedure and the nurse said "I have not sedated her yet"!  Good lord once she pulled the needle out of my IV he wanted to start right away and the meds had not even taken effect. I had to ask him to stop.  I said "look, I don't feel the meds yet and I am starting to get really anxious so can you wait a minute"!  That's nuts....dude, just wait a minute - would it kill you to wait a minute?  This time I did feel them numb up my arm.  In fact, the shot of lidocane did hurt a bit and burned a lot.  I did not feel that when they put my port in. 

Overall it went quick and I did well.  My arm is starting to bruise.  It is sore right now and the incision is red.  Last time my arm had a huge, softball sized bruise when I got the port in.  I hope this time there is less bruising.

I am really tired today.  I did workout but it was really hard for me to get through it.  I still have what I call "chemo legs".  It feels like I ran a marathon when I did not. My legs are burning a lot.  Going up the stairs at night is a chore and I have to stop half way up the stairs to rest.  This seems to be common during and after chemo.  It is much worse now than it was during chemo. 

I got my prescription for tamoxifen today.  That is my follow up treatment to block any estrogen in my body.  Gosh I hope it works!  My blood counts are good except I am still anemic.  I keep taking Iron supplements and hope they work soon.  Maybe that is contributing to my leg fatigue...who knows. 

I go back to work next week.  I am nervous about that.  I don't know how to function in the real world.  I feel so distracted by my cancer bullshit.  I don't know how to stay focused on things.  It will be a long week for sure.  I am glad I have Monday off so it's only a four day work week. 

I am not going to think about work for now.  This weekend I am celebrating being done with chemo with my husband and son in Chicago.  A weekend of fun for just the three of us.  I can't wait to be on a break from BC and spend good, quality time with my boys!

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