"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Surgery again....

When I started this big walk with breast cancer six months ago and had an idea of how the path in front of me looked, I just never thought this day would get here.  This week I have my next surgery to replace my tissue expander implants with permanent silicone implants.  I remember thinking this part seemed so far off and would never happen and now, here I am ready for surgery! 

I read so many stories about women with tissue expander and how awful they were which made me worry how I was going to deal with them.  I really didn't think it was THAT bad.....honestly.  I was diligent to do the physical therapy exercises and stretches twice each day and I worked with a physical therapist to help me gain my range of motion back.  I also got right back into exercise as soon as it was OK for me to do so and have remained very active even through chemo.  My tissue expanders really don't bother me and I attribute my exercise and stretching to that success.

The tissue expanders are not pretty....they are perfectly round and they tend to migrate more towards your arm pits than breasts do.  They are super hard once they get filled up and I always worry what someone feels when they come in close for a hug....yikes!  In my case, one tissue expander is higher than the other too so they are lopsided too.  That is a bit hard to hide in some shirts but I won't have to worry about that anymore as of Thursday! 

I have not been as nervous for this surgery yet, but I am sure I will start to get a bit more worked up by Thursday morning.  I just hope I can hold it together as my cousin has to take me since my husband can't go.  I just don't want to fall apart in front of her...maybe that will make things easier as I seem to have no trouble falling apart in front of my husband! 

I am trying to mentally prepare for another full month of recovery.  No driving for a few weeks at all and worse of all, no exercise!  I am going to go crazy not being able to go to the gym.  I have to get into some type of relaxation or something to keep my stress levels under control with all that is going on right now.  Exercise is usually my stress reliever so this should be interesting.  We have some nature trails behind our subdivision so I plan on taking some leisure walks back there to just have some relaxation and peace.  I hope that does the trick but if not, there is always xanax (said sarcastically!). 

I know I still have a long breast cancer road in front of me even after I finish this surgery.  My reconstruction won't be completed until the end of the year at the earliest, but now with our pending move out of state I am sure it will be delayed as I may be too far to come back and complete my remaining surgeries here.  I can't even imagine trying to find a new plastic surgeon at this point but I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. 

It does feel good to finally get another step out of the way.  I hope and pray surgery goes well and my recovery is easy....crossing my fingers.

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