"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Waiting Is Killing Me

So how exactly do you keep moving and living life like nothing wrong once the "cancer bomb" has been dropped on you? So they tell me they think I may have cancer and then say, "we will know in six days". So my mind is racing. My insides are trembling. I am trying to go on like nothing is wrong. I am putting up Christmas decorations for my son and baking cookies. I am hosting a Christmas cookie party today for 12 kids and 24 adults all while I am waiting to find out if I have breast cancer. I feel crazy. I am trying so hard to stay busy and keep things "normal" for everyone else, but I am shaking inside. How do I do this for one more day? How do I deal with knowing that I actually do have breast cancer? What does my prognosis look like? How do I tell my family? Will I have chemo? My mind is racing with so many thoughts - none of which are good. I just need to start getting through this - whatever it looks like. I keep going to church and praying for strength, health and love. I hope God hears my prayers and spares me the worst that this horrible disease can dish out.

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