"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year, a New Me

I am kind of feeling like somehow the new year will represent something very different.  When I reflect back on 2010, it was a great year.  My family and I enjoyed three great vacations including Disney.  We spent lots of good times with family and friends.  We visited family out of state.  My son had is 4th birthday bash which was so much fun.  We enjoyed the summer at the pool.  It was a year filled with happy times and great memories, except for the last three weeks. 

In the last three weeks, I got hit by the "cancer bomb", had multiple procedures, met with numerous surgeons, oncologists and doctors.  My world has been completely turned upside down.  Amazing how much can change in such a short time.  In three small weeks out of a whole year, everything is different.  In those 3 weeks, I had cancer.  But now, the cancer is gone!

The good news about 2011 is that it will be a complete year being cancer free, right?  It won't necessarily be an easy year, but it will be cancer free which means EVERYTHING to me and my family.  I can walk forward knowing it is gone and everything I endure will be to keep it that way.  That is what I am holding onto for 2011. 

My goal for this summer before getting diagnosed was to be working in my own business (leaving my corporate America job) and spend the summer at the pool with my son in my bikini teaching him how to swim.  Maybe that is still possible - I am going to move forward with my original goal.  Why not?  Why can't I be at the pool swimming with my son all summer?  I can't let my diagnosis and treatment take away my goals and dreams. 

One of my other goals was to have my business up and running in January.  With the whole "cancer bomb" explosion, I have not gotten much done in the past few weeks.  I just haven't had the focus, drive, energy or time to deal with it.  I guess this is a goal I need to modify a bit as the surgeries ahead of me will definitely slow down my ability to be focused on something like this.  I know my focus has to be getting well and back to myself as quick as possible, so I have to rethink this goal and how I will get there. 

Now I have been thinking about the dreaded New Year's Resolutions.  I have never been a fan of setting them and have never really followed through.  For some reason this year it seems so much more important.  I guess that is one of the many things cancer does to a person, it changes the way you think and how you feel about everything! 

So what do I want to do in 2011?  What do I want to resolve to complete?  Where do I begin...?  For now, I can think of a few:
1. Complete all surgeries and close the door on breast cancer
2.  Take a great family vacation filled with fun, good times and laughs once my surgeries and treatment are complete.
3.  Get back to teaching my aerobics classes as soon as possible
4.  Become a peer to peer counselor for women newly diagnosed with breast cancer
5.  Raise money to help fight breast cancer!  Get involved and make a difference in finding a cure!
6.  Don't sweat the small stuff...just say "who cares"?  (this will be hard...I am completely type A and a worrier!)
7.  Get my business up and running and leave my current job.  I need to bring in some money so I can make this happen
8.  Be the best damn mom, wife, daughter, aunt, sister and friend I can be!  Tell everyone I care about how much they mean to me and make sure they know I love them!
9.  Lose a little of the "type A-ness" in me.  Learn to relax, meditate, do yoga or something that will allow me to slow down and enjoy simple moments in life instead of always trying to conquer the world and plan a dinner party
10.  Continue to bring a more spiritual presence into my life and celebrate religion and faith as a family
11.  Smile.  Love.  Be positive.  Be happy.  Just BE!

So, this seems a little "lofty" coming from someone that has never followed through on a New Year's Resolution before!  I guess it's the change that cancer brings to a person once they are diagnosed.  It makes you take inventory of everything in your life.  I know I can do these things in 2011.  I believe in myself.  I have faith and hope.  With that, I can do anything, right?

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