"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Dropping more "cancer bombs" and "ripping off band-aids"

So now that I have told my family and my husband is telling his family, I have to move on to friends.  This is the worst agony ever!  Telling this story over and over again and crying.....  When they tell you that you have cancer they don't say that this is one of the side effects - huge anxiety and grief over telling your loved one's you have the "Big C".  It just never ends.

Why is it that when you get all psyched up to just "rip the band-aid off" (and tell someone), you call and they are unavailable.  You get voicemail.  UGH!  Do you leave a message like "hey, it's me!  Called to see how your holiday was since I have been avoiding you for weeks - oh and by the way, I have breast cancer.  Call me back!  Ciao!". 

I know in some way I will feel better once I get this news out to the people I care about.  What will bring me comfort is knowing they will be praying for me to be healthy and recover well.  I believe in the power of prayer and have never really asked all the people I care about to pray for me.  I can't imagine having that many people pray hard for my health all at one time.  I know it will bring me some comfort despite that fact that all of this sucks.

So today I did finally get back to the gym . My surgeon told me it was finally OK if I worked out again.  I just really had no desire to go, but I made myself.  I know it helps emotionally, but it is a struggle.  My arm didn't hurt much today.  It is definitely feeling a lot better than the past few days.  I do feel like I have more energy today after my workout so I will vow to do it as much as I can as long as my doctors tell me it is OK even if I don't want to.  It's hard to be motivated to go and workout, but I know I have to relieve some of the stress I am carrying over this disease and exercise is a major stress reliever.  I think I will also start yoga.  I have always wanted to start it, but never had the time.  I am making time now that I am taking inventory of my life!  I have been reading that they are doing studies in regards to breast cancer healing and such in relation to including yoga as part of the treatment. I think it can only help bring me physical and mental strength and a more positive feeling overall so I am going to do it!  Why not????

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