"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Surgery is all over

Thursday was my surgery.  I am glad it is all over.  It seemed like a long morning for me.  Surgery wasn't scheduled until 1pm so I had to wait all morning.  I got up with my little one and he climbed in bed with me.  We put on his favorite show, Calliou and cuddled watching it together in the darkness.  I got him dressed and fed him breakfast just like every other morning.  My husband I and dropped him off at school and it was so hard.  I just hugged him tightly and tears rolled down my cheeks as I said goodbye.  I felt so sad leaving him knowing I was going for surgery.  He was so happy to see his friends and think about his sleepover for later that night that he didn't even notice I was crying.  I watched him walk into the classroom and slowly turned and walked to the car. 

My husband and I started the hour plus ride to the hospital.  I put on some relaxing, Zen, harmony music on my ipod the whole way there.  It did wonders to keep me calm and tear free.  I can't believe what a difference the music made in my mood.  Once we got to the hospital, I kept the music playing until my surgery. We were there for over 2 hours before surgery was to begin so the waiting was hard. 

Before I knew it, I was prepped and ready for surgery.  Saying good bye to my husband was hard.  We both cried.  Then I walked to the OR with the staff.  It was hard to see my husband wipe tears from his face.  I have only seen him cry 3 times before (when my dog died, when my son was born and when I told him I had cancer).  I know he felt so helpless and there was he could do. 

I remember getting into the OR and climbing up on the table.  Everyone was ready for me.  It was time. 

The next thing I remember was waking up and people talking to me.  It was about five hours later and I was out of it.  I remember my husband and friend coming in and talking to me.  I was so tired.  I don't really remember pain, I just felt out of it.  I just wanted to sleep.  I do remember having a Popsicle somewhere in there, but nothing else. 

The rest of the evening was a bit rough as I was so nauseated.  I could not keep much food down and I started throwing up.  They kept giving me more medication for nausea and a pain pump to control the pain.  It was a long night with little sleep, but once I was no longer nauseous, I felt so much better.  I was able to have food and get up to go to the bathroom finally.  The pain was there, but not as bad as I thought. 

I got home a few hours ago and am resting comfortably in my bed with my best girlfriend here to take care of me for a few days.  I was welcomed by gorgeous flowers from my husband, a cookie bouquet, gift baskets and more. It was like Christmas when I got home.  The only thing missing is my son.  He is still at his sleepover having a good time which allows me some time to rest and catch my breath. 

I got through surgery OK.  I am glad it is over with.  What a relief.  I hope the pathology doesn't reveal anything else bad.  I will pray for that as I get some rest. 


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