"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Saving my hair

I am trying to get my head around the strong possibility that chemo may be in my future.  It's strange, but I never considered myself really vain, but for some reason my hair really matters to me.  Maybe because it's really long and makes me feel young and attractive.  I don't really know.  I often wish for thicker, prettier hair, but now I just love the hair I have and don't want to lose it!

When I think about losing my hair, I feel like it takes my private battle with breast cancer to a public battle.  I had a hard time telling family and friends about my diagnosis to begin with and have asked them not to tell others unless I agree to it.  I am not ready to go public...heck, why do you think my blog is anonymous???  I just feel like once you tell people you have cancer or they know you have cancer, it changes everything.  The only time I feel "normal" now is when I go out shopping or to workout.  No one there knows I am sick.  No one looks at me with pity or sadness.  No one treats me different because they don't know.  Once I lose my hair it seems like that small sense of normalcy I feel is going to be gone. I realize it is not the end of the world, but it will be hard none the less.

I have been reading a lot about the Penguin Cold Caps to preserve your hair during chemo.  I am just excited about what I have read and am optimistic this can be an option for me.  It makes me a bit more relaxed about the thought of chemo which is odd considering that there are still risks with chemo that I can face.  Maybe I am more vain than I thought???  I don't know really, but for some reason it gives me a little more peace.  My medical oncologist did mention it as an option in my consult but I didn't take it too seriously.  Now, I am going to really look into it.  I know like with all things there is a risk.  With the cold caps it looks like the only risk talked about is the possibility of mets to the scalp.  I guess what I need to know is how common are scalp mets to begin with and then really review the literature and studies to quantify what that means.  Obviously I don't want to risk anything here, but I guess it is worth looking into at least. 

I guess if that isn't a good option for me, I will do what all other cancer patients do, buy a good wig.  It's not ideal, but I will get through it just like all the other people.  I just wish I could keep a little bit of feeling normal in this...whatever normal is anymore.


  1. I will be following your journey, which seems to be mirroring my own. I also am 45, with a 6 yr old, diagnosed 12-15-2010 with IDC and will learn my chemo options this Friday. Not to detract from your story.. but I just want to let you know who is one of your "followers" on this blog and that I am sure you will make it through this hurdle in your life, just like I will. All the best to you this week.

  2. Thank you for reading....it means a lot that others feel the same things. It makes me feel more "normal" in some way knowing that. I am sorry you are on the same path, but hope you find health and happiness after your treatment. Stay well!