I am trying to get my head around the strong possibility that chemo may be in my future. It's strange, but I never considered myself really vain, but for some reason my hair really matters to me. Maybe because it's really long and makes me feel young and attractive. I don't really know. I often wish for thicker, prettier hair, but now I just love the hair I have and don't want to lose it!
When I think about losing my hair, I feel like it takes my private battle with breast cancer to a public battle. I had a hard time telling family and friends about my diagnosis to begin with and have asked them not to tell others unless I agree to it. I am not ready to go public...heck, why do you think my blog is anonymous??? I just feel like once you tell people you have cancer or they know you have cancer, it changes everything. The only time I feel "normal" now is when I go out shopping or to workout. No one there knows I am sick. No one looks at me with pity or sadness. No one treats me different because they don't know. Once I lose my hair it seems like that small sense of normalcy I feel is going to be gone. I realize it is not the end of the world, but it will be hard none the less.
I have been reading a lot about the Penguin Cold Caps to preserve your hair during chemo. I am just excited about what I have read and am optimistic this can be an option for me. It makes me a bit more relaxed about the thought of chemo which is odd considering that there are still risks with chemo that I can face. Maybe I am more vain than I thought??? I don't know really, but for some reason it gives me a little more peace. My medical oncologist did mention it as an option in my consult but I didn't take it too seriously. Now, I am going to really look into it. I know like with all things there is a risk. With the cold caps it looks like the only risk talked about is the possibility of mets to the scalp. I guess what I need to know is how common are scalp mets to begin with and then really review the literature and studies to quantify what that means. Obviously I don't want to risk anything here, but I guess it is worth looking into at least.
I guess if that isn't a good option for me, I will do what all other cancer patients do, buy a good wig. It's not ideal, but I will get through it just like all the other people. I just wish I could keep a little bit of feeling normal in this...whatever normal is anymore.
I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a neice, an aunt and a friend. I never thought I would hear the words "It's not good. There are cancer cells". December 8, 2010 changed my life forever. This is my scary, long, enlightening journey through breast cancer. I hope that my words help others facing a similar situation or those that love someone going through breast cancer. I don't know where the road in front of me leads, but I know that Breast Cancer won't define me.
"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saving my hair
Labels: Breast Cancer, Hair
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I will be following your journey, which seems to be mirroring my own. I also am 45, with a 6 yr old, diagnosed 12-15-2010 with IDC and will learn my chemo options this Friday. Not to detract from your story.. but I just want to let you know who is one of your "followers" on this blog and that I am sure you will make it through this hurdle in your life, just like I will. All the best to you this week.ReplyDelete
Thank you for reading....it means a lot that others feel the same things. It makes me feel more "normal" in some way knowing that. I am sorry you are on the same path, but hope you find health and happiness after your treatment. Stay well!ReplyDelete