Today I dragged my pathetic cancer-ass to the gym. I usually love my workouts, but now I do them because I know I should. Once I get there I am OK I guess, but it seems a bit forced right now. I got to the gym this morning and got on the elliptical for a cardiovascular workout. Once I got started I looked up in front of me and saw the back of the t-shirt of the women on the machine in front of me. It had a very simple, powerful quote:
"Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better".
As I pushed myself to workout, I really thought about what that meant, heck I had an entire 30 minutes to ponder that thought during my workout. For me, the sacrifice becomes my breasts, going through surgery and recovering for a period of time. My sacrifice also becomes the multiple procedures to finish reconstructing my body in the next year to make me whole again. My sacrifice becomes not having the energy to be the mom and wife I want to be in the coming months. The sacrifice sounds so scary and long, but it's when I think about the "something better", it's the gift of a cancer-free life. A cancer-free life is more than anyone can hope for and want. I have lived 45 years and have never had to make such a sacrifice in my life yet and still it will only be such a small percentage of my life, maybe only several months or a year. When I think about that, it all seems like it's so worth it. It seems like such a small part of the big, big picture.
When I labeled this post "Looking for Signs from God and Angels", what I meant was that I do believe that there are angels among us and that God sends us rays of hope and support in many ways. Seeing this woman's t-shirt at the gym made me believe there was a reason she was there, right in front of me today. It makes me stop and think about what this whole journey means. I do believe that there are signs from God and his work through angels all around us, but you have to look for them. I do believe that they come to us in our darkest hour to give us hope and support. I know as I continue on this breast cancer journey, I will keep searching for these signs from God and others to help guide, support and encourage me. I know that each sign I see brings me more faith that everything will be OK.
I am a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a neice, an aunt and a friend. I never thought I would hear the words "It's not good. There are cancer cells". December 8, 2010 changed my life forever. This is my scary, long, enlightening journey through breast cancer. I hope that my words help others facing a similar situation or those that love someone going through breast cancer. I don't know where the road in front of me leads, but I know that Breast Cancer won't define me.
"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Looking for "signs" from God and angels
Labels: Breast Cancer
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