"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Chemo port is in

Today I had to go to the hospital to get my chemo port placed.  As usual, I had major anxiety over having another procedure done and yet another nasty scar on my body.  I feel like I look like a road map without my clothes on.  I now have 4 scars.  Nice.  I hope one day they will fade.

I got to the hospital at 9am.  My brother took me today as my husband had to travel for work this morning and will be gone until the end of the week.  So once they took me back to the pre-op area in the Heart and Vascular Center, we waited and waited.  They informed me shortly after being there that I would be awake for the procedure.  I was good all morning and did not cry until that moment when the resident told me.  I just wanted this over with and certainly did not want to "experience" it and remember it.  They were going to use "twilight sedation" on me meaning that I would be awake but pain free and perhaps not remember anything.  I just lost it....the tears started falling.  My poor brother did not know what to do.  At that moment I just wanted my husband to be with me.....it sucked.

They finally took me in for the procedure around 11:30am.  Way to go making me wait for over 2 hours agonizing over the misinformation I was given about sedation.  The nurses were all very nice and understanding given my situation and really took good care of me.  The doctor only came in once I was sedated...never really spoke to me, just got to work.  An interventional radiologist did the procedure.  The only nice perk of being awake in not in the OR area was they allowed me to bring my IPOD and use it during the entire procedure.  I put on my calming, peaceful music and closed my eyes to just not be "present" for the experience.

I was not really in any pain.  I just felt poking and some pricks here and there.  I do remember mostly everything, but I was calm and relaxed.  I am glad it is over with.  They placed the port in my right am as my plastic surgeon did not want the port placed in my chest.  The port is on the inside of my upper arm about mid-bicep.  It looks like there is a small grape under my skin.  You can't see the port at all, it is completely under my skin.  The lump of the port is bruised right now.  Hopefully that will fade quickly. I finally got home from the hospital around 3pm.  By the time I got home I was feeling queasy so I had some toast, took some zofran and laid down for a while.  I felt better within 45 minutes or so. 

My arm is quite tender especially when I move it around.  It's not sharp pain or anything, just enough to be a little uncomfortable.  I took some tylenol for the pain and that seems to be helping a little.  I hope I can sleep tonight without it being painful.  It seems like everything always hurts worse at night. 

I had to skip my rehabilitation exercises tonight as my arm is just uncomfortable.  I hope tomorrow I can go for my morning walk and do my exercises and stretches to get moving again.  I don't want any setbacks.

I am glad this is over now as it was causing me anxiety.  Now I can just focus on the next step (and the next source of anxiety), chemo.  Six more days until the poison flows through my body.  Ugh!  I am dreading it completely.


  1. You will get through this cancer-free, the most important thing. Some day it will all be a distant memory.

  2. I've posted a few times before on your blog...

    I'm sitting in my first infusion right now - Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin, 6 rounds, Herceptin only for the duration of the year.

    The anxiety was far worse than the infusion. But I hear the side effects can be difficult in the coming days.

    I didn't have a port placed but I'm reconsidering that option. IV drugs every 3 weeks for a year seems like a lot of stress on my veins.

    I forget what type of chemo you're having?

  3. I am having Taxotere and Cytoxan - 4 cycles. I know the anxiety will be worse than the chemo in my head, but I am still anxious. I know it's only 4 cycles and I will be done in 9 weeks...I keep telling myself this over and over again. I can't wait til summer...it will be over by then.

    Congratulations to you for getting your first chemo over with. I hope you feel strong and good in the coming days and weeks...prayers to you!

    Thanks Laura!!! Kind words appreciated!