"Don't spend time worrying about how you are going to die. Worry about how you are going to live today"

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Turning a corner

I feel good this morning.  First of all I did sleep last night.  I do wake often in the night, but at least I did fall back to sleep!  I actually feel rested today!  That's a good feeling for a change.  I also feel OK with my treatment.  I have to have chemo....I can actually say that without crying, which is a first.  I am going to keep my hair and have chemo and no one will know I am going through chemo....that is my plan.  I have been reading more and more about the Penguin Cold Caps to keep my hair and I am doing it!  It has a 90% success rate for keeping hair on the type of chemo I will be getting.  Chemo is going to suck, but I will get through it.  I have to.  I want to go back to teaching my aerobics classes now that I think I can keep my hair.  No one will even know! I am so excited.  This is the first time I have ever used the word "excited" on my blog!  I do feel like I have turned a corner.  That feels great!

So now I am focused on getting back to exercising, getting through chemo, and altering my diet and health care products to be chemical free.  It seems like so much to do, but this is what I need to do.  So for now I am writing down all the tips for using the cold caps from other women that have done it and putting that in a notebook to review for my husband (since he will be doing it all for me).  Then I have notes and information on how to keep eyelashes and eyebrows......adding that to the notebook.  Now my focus will turn to the food and health care products.  Having a hormone positive breast cancer is hard. Hormones and soy are in so many products I eat! Bummer.  No more Cheeze It's?  Are you kidding me?  Bummer....my son and I love to snack on Cheeze It's together all the time.  I guess we need to find a new snack to keep mommy healthy....bummer.  I bought 3 good books on food/diet for cancer.....I guess I have a lot of reading to do hu?  I went to the mall and scheduled a makeover at Bare Essentials....they use all natural products and no chemicals in their makeup.  I guess I need a makeover anyway....I look so pale from it being winter and going through this.  I look so tired.....I need some miracle cure for the dark circles under my eyes!!!  This part will be fun I think...a make up person to show me what to do with myself to look pretty and all new makeup!  I never do this kind of stuff so it will be fun. 

I have so many phone calls to make this week..........insurance bills piling up so I need to get that organized.  I have to call and get scheduled with a counselor.  I think talking to someone through this disease will help me a bit.  I also want to start writing thank you notes.  I have gotten so many wonderful cards, gifts, meals and more from so many friends and family in the last week...I will be writing thank you's forever!  I feel like having cancer is a full time job!  I also go back to my plastic surgeon tomorrow to have my post OP check up.  I can actually take a shower today for the first time since surgery!  That feels like a big thing...I have been enjoying the baths, but a nice, hot shower will feel pretty darn good at this point!

Tonight I am off to a Super Bowl Party at my brother's!  I can't wait to have my family see how good I am doing!  We had friends over last night and they were stunned when they saw me...in regular clothes, hair and makeup done just like normal and I was flying down the stairs when they arrived.  They thought I would be in bed or on the couch with a blankie.....I laughed!  I am doing way better than that! I really can't wait to go out of the house tonight!  That feels "normal" and that is what I have been searching for since getting diagnosed...something "normal" again!

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